A funny thing happened today. And by funny, I mean a blogger’s nightmare.
This blogging/photography thing is new to me. Writing in this way and getting behind a lens trying to capture moments and feelings is something I started 6 months ago (after much prodding and encouragement from Sara), and something that I now love.
In May, my husband and I went on our honeymoon to the Azores, a dream trip and my inaugural adventure as a “real blogger”. It ended up being a really difficult trip for us for many reasons and while I did shoot and write for the blog, it wasn’t until now that I felt ready to set aside my disappointment and frustration about it and look through my photos.
I take a deep breath, brace myself for the onslaught of emotions, unmet expectations and nerves about whether I had actually successfully done this manual DSLR thing, and up comes [[ CARD ERROR ]].
Enter meltdown mode: There is no way this is happening to me!! How could you be such an amateur!!? This is totally a sign I should not be doing this blogger thing!!! What was the point of going on this trip if I have nothing to show for it!!? And in my horrible, negative inner dialogue (I can be such a b—- to myself sometimes), was a great teaching.
I came to the embarrassing realization that I had approached this Azores trip all wrong. On the surface, we had a perfect itinerary, full of all the things we love to do when we travel. But when we got there, rather than being in the experience, I was busy trying to capture “the most beautiful shot”, “a step by step guide on how to get to this cool unknown spot” and feeling extra frustrated and let down that I wouldn’t get to post about things when we showed up and it was pouring with zero visibility. In that process, I lost my connection to what travel has always been for me: a place to be my 100% authentic self, let go and show up completely open to experience all a place has to offer.
What I have to offer you today is perhaps a more authentic experience of the Azores than the high quality, curated collection that is now lost. Offhanded selfies and photos my husband took on a cell phone to send back to family before the “real shots” were developed. The trip that actually happened. And hopefully, within them, you will still find real adventure.
PS: There is a somewhat happy ending to this story. While all our Azores photos are lost (along with most of our recent trip to Iceland), in my grief shopping we booked 2 tickets back to Iceland in May to explore the Westfjords! I can’t promise the same majestic waterfalls, but whatever we find, I’m excited to show you anyways.